I do not want a choice. But can I?

Migration has existed since the existence of men because migration means going to a better place for these people to ensure survival. In modern times, the better place tends to be one that can provide better opportunities, safer environment for our kids and better (control of our own) future.

Of course, migration is not as simple now as ancient times. When the ancient people migrate, they migrate with their families, friends, clans, and/or even the entire population (the great Exodus for example, a slave population). There were no visas too by the way, unlike modern times. When the modern people migrate, they migrate more commonly by themselves or with their partner. Settling down at the new place, and tell themselves their pop and mom will be ok back in Malaysia because they can now afford to hire a maid to take care of them.

Why did I say that it is relatively easier for ancient people to migrate in large groups while it is harder for modern people to migrate in smaller groups (or even individually)?

Firstly, our roots are more established here. It is easy to say, "I want to migrate to Australia because the money there is better. I will have a better future there compared to Malaysia". However, when it comes right down to it, can you? Can you sign that piece of document that proclaims you a citizen of a different country without feeling ANYTHING at all? If there is just ONE thing I learn that is important throughout my life in Malaysia, it is that if my family and friends have NEVER abandoned me before, why must I be the one to take this first step?

Secondly, our responsibility. When we migrate, even if we can let go our attachments for our friends, can we let go our attachment to our family? Especially the elders in our family - our parents and our grandparents. Our elders have lived and stayed in Malaysia for their whole life. They have deeper roots here. Just because you want to live overseas for your own future, does not justify that they too want to move there. What are they going to do there? They have no friends to talk to. Some do not even know English to began with. What makes you think they will be happy there? I have a few friends that actually carried the fear EVERYDAY not knowing what could have happened to their parents when their children who are suppose to take care of them, are not there.

Thirdly, culture. When we are married and have kids, we want our kids to be safe and sound. We want them to grow up to be the fine gentleman or lady that society can look up to and children to make role model of. However, more importantly, and MOST importantly, we want them to have the amazing childhood that we had. The childhood where we can go outside our neighbour's house and pluck their mango(es) and run back home quickly after that. Or cycle around the neighbourhood and make friends with the Ah Lian or Ah Beng that will be their future partner or best friend. Or even playing badminton on the streets, while pausing the game every two minutes when a car passes by. Or maybe even football in the park, and get chased by dogs every once in awhile. This is what we want for our children, a fun childhood that they too can cherish just as much as we do for eternity.

Forth and last reason, it is my home. Enough said.

I am pretty sure everyone of you would have at least thought of at least one of these before you migrate. And yet, the World Bank has estimated about 1 million people to have migrated from Malaysia in this 40years or so. The pull factor from Malaysia just through these 4 reasons alone are generally strong enough to pull one home. However, many Malaysians still can afford to shut their feelings coldly and choose a different country to call home. Why?

The reason is simple. Although it is my home, my home unfortunately does not welcome me. It does not see me fit to be it's child because I am differently coloured and I behave differently from what it wants me to be. It does not love me, even though I work hard, day and night, to fight for my home for me to call it, my home. It is this very painful one sided love that we bear for our country, that we have no choice but to make painful life decisions that will scar our souls eternally.

When I asked an Australian, will you migrate? They all answered no.

When I asked a Thai, will you migrate? They too answered, no.

When I asked an Indonesian, will you migrate? Some answered, no.

But when I asked a Malaysian, will you migrate? Everyone said yes.

The three non-Malaysians answered no because home is home, and home will forever be home. But the typical Malaysian answered yes because they do not have a choice.

Everyone has a place to call home. But we do not. Everyone was born with love, fed upon them to make them feel belong. But we were born to make painful decisions, based on a one sided love that although will never die, must be kept deep inside our hearts for the rest of our lives.

I do not want a choice. I also do not want Australia or make painful life decisions. I only want Malaysia. But, fellow Malaysians, can we?